


Crying in the Night

by Ultra



Category: Leverage
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Help, Hopeful Ending, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Minor Violence, Nightmares, Parker Being Parker, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 05:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5404091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After San Lorenzo, things were supposed to get better, but Eliot is haunted by his past with Moreau, by ghosts of the past and memories of the darkness he has tried so hard to leave behind. All Parker wants is to help her friend to get back to being the man she has become so close to these past three years, but sometimes a person can only be helped if they want to be. Meanwhile, the rest of the team see more than friendship between hitter and thief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Smooth Doggie](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Smooth+Doggie).



> I tried to cover as many points from Smooth Doggie's list of requests as I could. It all got a little heavy on the angst, but there's some hope by the end, and oh so many emotions! Fingers crossed that I did a good enough job.

People liked to say Parker was crazy. She didn’t bother to disagree with them. It was fun to smile and leave them wondering. Parker remembered a poster she saw once that said ‘Smile, it makes people wonder what you did’. She liked the concept and always kept a grin on her face whenever anybody made her feel as if she was being nutty. It freaked them out and that was never not fun.

Eliot was different. Nobody ever said that Eliot was crazy or weird or anything like that. If anything, he was the first person to be calling Parker those things, but never once was she insulted. She also found that no matter how much she smiled at him, he never did look scared, only more angry or, on more fun occasions, incredibly amused. Parker liked it when Eliot smiled, and even better when he laughed. It didn’t happen all that often, which was probably why it was worth making it occur. Parker figured it was like rare gemstones. Eliot’s smile was like tanzanite, and his laugh was something even more scarce, like alexandrite maybe. She wanted it because it was so elusive, because she had to figure out a plan and work hard to get the prize. Lately, that prize had gone from elusive to completely non-existent.

It started with San Lorenzo. Actually, a little before that. If Parker had to pick a moment when Eliot really changed, she would have to say it was in the park, after he and Hardison went to feel out Moreau and his gang. It was a shock to realise that Eliot had once worked for the evil overlord, that he had been his right hand in so many words. Parker thought of the moment when she asked Eliot about the worst things he had done and shivered with cold that wasn’t in the room. He didn’t want to tell her that, and as curious as she was, the look in his eyes proved she really didn’t want to know. Never had Eliot looked so sad, so close to breaking. That scared Parker more than anything else in her life, to see cracks show in her faithful hitter who was always so strong and dependable.

Since then, things had been different. Parker assumed that once Moreau was taken care of things would just get back to normal, but here they were, weeks later, and Eliot just wasn’t himself. Once or twice she asked him what was up, if he was okay. He brushed her off with grumbles and growls, saying he was fine, but he wasn’t. Not only was Eliot not fine, he just wasn’t Eliot anymore. Parker hated that and told Sophie as much one day when they were alone in the bar.

“He just needs time, Parker,” said the grifter with a soft smile that seemed oddly sad for such an expression. “Eliot is... I suppose he’s grieving for a loss, in a way. For a life past, for a man he thought he knew. I can’t say for sure. As much as I love Eliot, he’s not exactly the type to talk about what he’s feeling, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. It’s not just his body that’s strong. He has to have inner strength too, after all he’s been through, but even that can take a knock sometimes.”

Parker frowned, thinking on those words a while. She did understand what Sophie meant. If a person got punched, they developed a bruise, and that took time to heal, to fade. If somebody was emotionally hurt, that took time to fix as well, but time kept on passing and if anything Eliot seemed to get grumpier, colder, more and more sad.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” asked Sophie when Parker suddenly got up from her stool without warning and pulled on her jacket.

“I have to go,” she replied, and before Sophie could get out another word Parker was gone.

Looking out of the window, Sophie spotted Eliot coming from the back of the building to get into his truck and leave. Parker was nowhere in view, but somehow Sophie knew she was close by, watching, waiting. If she was planning to tail Eliot home, there would doubtless be trouble caused.

“That girl!” Sophie said to herself with a sigh.

She made no attempt to stop whatever was going to happen from happening. It would do no good anyway, and besides, Parker was not going to be happy until she talked to Eliot about his recent emotional state. The two of them would figure it out, and hopefully without bloodshed. Sophie sipped her drink and smiled to herself. Sometimes Parker and Eliot reminded her a little bit of herself and Nate, in a strange way.

* * *

It bothered Parker that she followed Eliot home and he never even noticed. There was a time when she would have thought it a testament to her stealth and cunning, but Eliot was smarter than anyone else she ever met when it came to instincts, tracking, just knowing when something was going down. The muscle on a team wasn’t required to be smart, but Eliot was. His inability to realise Parker was there, it was one more reason to worry about him, one more piece of evidence that Eliot was not at all like himself lately.

One time, he had told the team how he only needed to sleep ninety minutes a day. Parker believed him. She had survived on very little rest before. It could be done, but not every day for all time. There were days when she slept twenty four hours straight to make up for a lack at other times, and Parker always assumed Eliot did the same. The fact he was going to bed so early tonight seemed to prove it. She was outside of his window when he laid down and pulled the covers up around his body.

Parker was going to leave him be, go home and wait until tomorrow to talk to Eliot about whatever was bothering him. Not that she really knew what to say anyway. Parker wasn’t great when it came to talking, but she felt the need to try for Eliot. He always tried for her. Sitting very still, looking out at the darkening sky across the city, it made sense to leave, but somehow Parker couldn’t do it.

A frown marred her pretty face when she suddenly heard a sound. Turning around towards the window again, Parker peered inside. She almost lost her balance off the sill when she realised Eliot was thrashing around and making noise in his sleep. She had to have been sat here an hour, until her legs started to cramp and she made a decision to leave. Now she couldn’t.

Parker knew much of nightmares and was sure now that was what Eliot was suffering. She wasn’t sure that she could help with that, but there was an urge in her to try. Slipping in through the window was no trouble and she landed on the bedroom carpet with cat-like grace, having bypassed the lock that was child's play for someone like her. Eliot continued to mutter and moan, throwing his body around in the bed. Parker didn’t know what to think, and her confusion doubled when she realised that whilst one of Eliot’s arms was flinging back and forth across his body, the other never moved at all, thanks to the rope tied tight to the headboard. With wide eyes, Parker stepped forward, put one knee on the edge of the bed and leaned over to better see.

“No! I’m not... Kak by vy khoteli chtoby umeret!” Eliot yelled inside his nightmare.

Parker didn’t speak Russian, but whatever he was saying didn’t sound friendly.

“Eliot, it’s okay!” she tried to tell him. “It’s just a nightmare, it’s not real. You just have to wake up!”

Parker reached out to touch him, to shake him back to the land of the living. Eliot reacted. The merest pressure of her fingers against his chest and his free hand shot out to grab her wrist, squeezing so tight that Parker squeaked with pain. Eliot flung her arm away suddenly and Parker backed up, almost falling over herself as she found her feet. Eliot’s arm swung out again, hand balled in a fist and Parker dodged just in time. She scrambled to get away as a loud crack proved the rope holding Eliot’s other arm back had snapped completely away. He dove from the bed like a wild animal.

“Eliot!” Parker yelled so loud she felt he whole room shake from the sound of her own voice.

She pulled back her arm and slapped his face with all her might as they both went crashing to the ground. His weight was all but crushing her, but it didn’t matter, because Parker had forgotten how to breathe anyway. Eliot came to fast, eyes wide, breathing ragged as he stared down into her startled expression.

“Are you awake?” asked Parker shakily, not sure what had happened to her voice. “Eliot?”

A light dawned in his eyes, and they both knew that he was back, at the same time wishing he was anywhere but. Parker watched Eliot look down at her and then at himself, at the frayed rope still tied painfully tight to his wrist. Agony twisted in his features and Eliot moved back off Parker, sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed now, still trying to even out his breathing.

“Eliot...”

“Get out!” he snapped at Parker, the moment she tried to approach him.

“I’m okay, and you’re okay,” she insisted. “It was just a nightmare...”

“Parker,” he growled dangerously low in his throat, eyes to the floor even as he continued to speak to her. “Just go. Go right now, or I swear to God...”

She didn’t want to be scared. Parker never had been afraid of Eliot for as long as she had known him. She knew that she should be, or at the very least that she should be wary. Many a man and woman in the world was scared of facing Eliot and other guys like him, but Parker never quaked in her boots. She trusted him, he was on her team, and that meant something to a guy like Eliot. In the years they had worked together and become friends, her trust in him had only grown. Jumping on top of her inside of a nightmare didn’t make a difference, at least not to Parker. It clearly made a difference to Eliot.

“I don’t understand,” she told him honestly, shaking her head. “But I’ll go.”

Getting up from the floor, Parker rushed towards the front door and was gone without another sound. Eliot had to assume she had run all the way home, or to some place that Parker would think of in a home-like way, he supposed. Never for a second did he consider she would be just outside the door, her back to the wood, trying to catch her breath.

For Eliot, it was impossible to breathe evenly. As if the nightmares hadn’t been bad enough before. Now he had attacked Parker. How she could ever trust him again, he had no idea. Eliot was getting to a point where he really didn’t trust himself. The rope was meant to help, hold him back when he flipped out. After three broken lamps, two alarm clocks, and a coffee table that had appeared to be a mob of Yakuza attacking in the night, he realised he had to take precautions. All those years, all the things he had done, he had dealt with it over time. Seeing Moreau again, having to put Damien behind bars after everything, it was too much. Way too much. Eliot Spencer was coming apart at the seams and he didn’t know how to make it stop. It wasn’t getting better, it was only getting worse, and now Parker...

A switch flipped in Eliot’s head as his mind conjured up a hundred scenarios of what might have been, what damage he could have done to the little thief he had sworn to protect always. In the fear and the panic, he got up from the floor, picking up the chair from the corner and flinging it into the closet door. He shattered the mirror, cracked the footboard on the bed and tore up the sheets, screaming like a rabid animal the whole time.

Outside of the door, Parker sat listening, unable to bear it but with no way to get up and run right now. Eliot never lost control and he certainly never cried. Right now she would swear he was doing both and she hadn’t a clue how to help him.


	2. Chapter 2

Something was wrong with Parker. That was a general comment made about the little thief but lately she was different. It was a couple of days since Sophie presumed that Parker had followed Eliot home, though they had not spoken of it since. The grifter wondered vaguely if there had been some kind of altercation between her team-mates. Certainly Parker did not seem herself ever since, and Eliot had yet to completely get back to normal since they took Moreau down. It was a subject Sophie had no wish to bring up with the hitter, sure that he would deal with it all in his own way in time, as he always seemed to. Nate agreed that it was best not to dig too deeply into Eliot’s psyche, because honestly, he was just a little bit wary of what he might find.

As to Parker, Nate assured Sophie that she was fine, she was just Parker. There was no explaining her and it was best not to try. That didn’t stop Sophie from out-right asking Parker if anything was bothering her, if she needed to talk at all. Though they were alone in the kitchen after the teams latest briefing, the boys could all hear what was being said. Eliot was on the other side of the counter, putting away the coffee cups he just washed. Nate was sat at the table going over the schematics of a building they may yet need to infiltrate. Hardison was on the couch, researching more details about their next target on the internet. Parker looked mostly at Eliot’s back and then answered Sophie’s question.

“Nothing’s bothering me,” she said definitely. “I am definitely not the one with worries.”

With that she turned and walked away, climbing out of the window without a care. Sophie watched her go and let out a sigh. She looked over at Nate and saw him casting her a look that said ‘I told you so’, then her attention was taken by the front door slamming - Eliot was gone.

The hitter took the steps up to the roof two at a time. He knew Parker well enough to be sure that was where she was headed. Lo and behold, he came out through the door to find Parker on the edge of the building, strapping on her harness and lines. She had to know he was there and yet didn’t say a word until he was all of a pace behind her.

“It’s not fair,” she said snippily. “You tell me to go away but then you follow me when I leave the meeting. And they say I’m the crazy one,” she added sharply, turning to look at Eliot.

In silence, he shook his head. There was no right thing to say to her right now, but he had to say something. The point to chasing her up here was to talk and now he had no words as she stared at him in real hurt and confusion.

“Why?” he said eventually. “Why didn’t you tell Sophie what happened?”

Parker shrugged her slim shoulders, no further answer apparently forthcoming. There they stood for a good minute or more just staring at each other. Parker broke first.

“Why were you tied down?” she asked him, as emotionless as she ever said anything.

Eliot looked away, shame-faced, but Parker wasn’t giving up.

“What’s wrong with you? I don’t understand. Does it have to do with Moreau?”

That got Eliot’s attention back, his eyes aflame at the very mention of his former boss. If looks could kill, Parker could have sworn she would be stone cold dead in that instant, and still she pressed on.

“You don’t scare me.”

“I should,” he immediately countered. “Parker-”

“Eliot!” she interrupted without care. “I want to... I was trying to help, but-”

“But you can’t,” he told her sharply. “You can’t help, darlin’, so just... Just don’t come around to my place again, okay?” he urged her. “I’m sorry for what happened, you know I am, but just leave me alone, for both our sakes.”

Parker opened her mouth to answer but he already turned his back and was walking away. In frustration, Parker made a sound of annoyance and then bodily threw herself off the side of the block. It was the first time in a long time that rappelling brought her absolutely no joy whatsoever.

* * *

“I still say there is more to it,” said Sophie, moving to sit by Nate and interrupting his work without a care. “She cares for him.”

“They’ve got to be friends, I guess,” the mastermind shrugged, sipping his whiskey. “Whether there’s more to it than that, who’s to say really?”

“How ‘bout everybody who ever saw the two of ‘em together?” said Hardison from his spot on the couch, though he never turned away from his screens. “From the get go, those two been different with each other than with the rest of us. I mean, for a while I thought... but she leans toward Eliot, that’s just the way it is.”

Sophie bit her lip and let out a deep sigh. Poor Hardison. She realised immediately that he was attracted to Parker, first physically, and then in all the other little ways. He wanted to be all she needed, but the hacker just didn’t have what it took for that. He wasn’t wrong when he said that Parker leaned towards Eliot, and it wasn’t only figurative. She tended to choose the seat next to him if she could, and seemed all the happier when they were paired up on a job. Perhaps if such a thing were possible, Parker did have feelings for Eliot. He could have feelings for her too. After all, he spent the most time with her of anyone, teaching her proper self-defence, double-checking her gear, trying to make sure she ate better than she would ever feed herself.

“One day, maybe they’ll realise what they’re feeling and figure something out,” said Nate, eyes fixed on his plans still. “Take people a while sometimes.”

Sophie stared at the top of his head with wide eyes and a mouth almost falling open with shock.

“Oh, don’t I know it,” she muttered, reaching to take the glass from Nate’s hand and downing the rest of the shot.

He looked up at her with surprise, and then swiftly away again with that famous Catholic guilt overshadowing every feature. Sometimes Sophie thought about giving up on him altogether, but it was only a fleeting idea. Her heart would never let her walk away for long. Maybe there were more similarities between her and Nate, and Parker and Eliot than even she realised before.

* * *

When Eliot got home, tired and frustrated by another day that felt as hard as the last, he was sure there was somebody in his apartment. Anybody else and he would have said they had a death wish breaking in here, but this was Parker, and he knew it within two seconds of stepping in through the front door.

He tracked her to the bedroom and found her laid out on his bed, a book from the shelf in her hands, comfortable as a person ever could be in spite of everything. Eliot shook his head and ran a hand back through his hair. As annoying as she could be, the woman never did fail to amaze him at every turn.

“Do you ever listen to a damn thing I say?” he muttered.

Parker smiled. 

“Sometimes.”

Eliot couldn’t return such a sunny expression, not right now, maybe not ever. That’s how it felt lately, like his ability to smile was gone for good, like his calm centre had taken a very long vacation and wasn’t ever coming back. The last thing he needed was for Parker to be here, especially after what happened the last time. Now there was not a shred of evidence that he smashed up the room, just as there was not a mark on Parker where he had attacked her. Just the thought of it made Eliot feel sick to his stomach. Furniture could be repaired, damage to walls covered up, painted over. If he had hurt Parker, there would be no way to fix it, no way to come back from such a thing. Eliot didn’t realise he had said any of his thoughts out loud until Parker spoke again.

“But you didn’t hurt me,” she said definitely. “I know you wouldn’t,” she insisted, putting the book down on the nightstand and getting to her feet.

“Parker,” he said, shaking his head as she moved to stand before him. “I told you not to come here...”

“Sometimes I get nightmares,” she continued on as if he never said a word. “I don’t talk about it. It’s nobody’s business but mine and it happens a lot less now than it used to. It never really occurred to me that it wasn’t just me, that the past came and haunted everybody in the night sometimes, but then when you... When I heard you yelling, saw you thrashing around... You have nightmares too,” she said, a statement not a question.

Eliot nodded confirmation anyway.

“It’s why I have Bunny,” Parker told with a feint smile. “Just having somebody there, even if he’s not exactly real like a person, he’s just... he’s there. It’s strange how the nightmares stay away when Bunny is there, and if they do come, I just tell him everything that happened and it doesn’t seem so bad,” she explained. “You want to tell me what happened, Eliot? Sophie said you’re still upset about Damien Moreau...”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” he said definitely.

Parker shuddered at the tone in which he spoke, but she didn’t back down, not for a second.

“But you think about him, and you dream about him. He’s in your nightmares,” she said definitely. “He can’t hurt you, Eliot.”

“I know that,” he snapped, looking everywhere but at her. “Parker, I know you think you’re helping-”

“I heard you crying.”

Eliot’s eyes snapped up to meet hers the moment Parker spoke those words. Blue met blue and neither would shift for a second. He ought to have guessed she was just beyond the door listening, maybe even watching everything that happened. That was Parker’s way, but in those moments of madness, Eliot hadn’t even considered her presence.

“Everybody cries,” she told him then, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s no big deal. Nobody knows about it but me, and I’m not telling. Eliot, if you want to tell me...”

“No,” he stepped back as if putting distance between them would stop her from trying to get inside his head, a place that even Eliot himself would rather not be lately. “Parker, I told you not to come here again. I don’t know what you thought you heard, what you believe you saw, but I don’t need your help. I don’t wanna talk about Moreau and I sure as hell don’t want you in my house. So get out. Please.”

Though it ought to have been an order, it came out more like a plea. That scared Parker more than the yelling, the crying, even the moment when Eliot landed on top of her in an unconscious rage. She never knew Eliot to be so broken, more shattered now than when she had heard him crying perhaps. He couldn’t talk to her or to anyone, he couldn’t get outside of his own head and she feared for what they really meant for him, for her, for the team.

“Okay,” she said anyway, walking by him to the door, but she stopped and looked back before actually going. “I’m not great at talking, but I can listen. If you need somebody to listen...”

“I don’t,” said Eliot softly when her own voice trailed away. “Thank you, Parker, for what you’re tryin’ to do,” he said, not quite managing a smile. “Means a lot that you care, but you can’t... I just need you to go.”

Parker nodded once and then finally left just as Eliot asked her to. It was a shame that neither one of them felt any better for her going.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t unusual for Eliot to act like a bear with a sore head. Much of the time, the rest of the team either left him alone to stew, or risked messing with him until he cracked and smiled. Hardison usually liked to make his jokes, regardless of whether it made the hitter more mad or actually amused. Lately, things were different. Everybody noticed, it was impossible not to. From the moment it was revealed that Eliot was once Moreau’s right hand, when the team really stepped things up a notch and went after the son-of-a-bitch, putting him in a jail cell where he belonged, Eliot changed. Hardison didn’t like it much that he could no longer be buddies with the guy. The only person Eliot seemed to want to let near him was Parker, and even then he seemed different.

Nate and Sophie had talked about it, in front of Hardison, so it wasn’t like he shouldn’t know about it. Eliot and Parker were close, had been from almost the beginning. Even in his more cold and distant state, the little thief was chasing after the hitter, trying to help and be what he needed. There was no real relationship there yet, nothing romantic or whatever. As secretive as every member of the team could be, Hardison was pretty sure they would’ve figured out if something had actually happened with Eliot and Parker up to now, but it could yet. Everything seemed a whole lot more serious lately, and that meant Hardison needed to be having a conversation with Eliot.

“Hey, man,” he said to the hitter, his hand on his shoulder a second as he passed by and slid into the booth opposite his friend. “I kinda got to talk to you about something.”

“A job?” asked Eliot, frowning some over his beer bottle before taking a long drink.

“Nah, man. Nothin’ like that.” Hardison shook his head. “Look, Eliot, fact is, I am not dumb, and for all that you make jokes about my geekery and all, I know that you know that. Because I’m not dumb, I see what’s going on, with you and Parker.”

Eliot had enough self-control not to spit beer across the table, but he did react, just a little. He hated that anybody might know what happened with him and Parker a few days ago. Attacking her the way he had, it was one of the most shameful moments of his life, and there was a hell of a lot to choose from when he put his mind to it. Parker had sworn she wasn’t telling anybody, not about the attack, the nightmares, the crying. Eliot trusted her, so he had to wonder how Hardison knew so much.

“You been spyin’ on me?” asked the hitter in a low voice.

“Nah, man. C’mon Eliot, that ain't me!” exclaimed Hardison, hands raised in mock-surrender. “Sure, I’ll spy on the bad guys, on people we gotta check into, but not this team. Never this team,” he swore, eyes wide and honest as Eliot ever saw.

He ought to have know the hacker hadn’t done such a thing. For all that he liked to know everything, he had a little more respect than to be putting bugs into the homes of his team-mates. Eliot sighed and ran a hand over his face.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t... I know you wouldn’t do that.” he assured his friend.

“Should hope so.” Hardson nodded once. “Fact is, don’t take a spy to see that you and Parker are... well, you two always been that little bit closer than the rest of us. Well, ‘cept for Nate and Sophie and that a whole other ugly mess I ain’t steppin’ anywhere close to,” he said definitely, before getting back to the point. “I mean, you know that I like Parker, a lot. If I thought she had any real interest in me, man, I would be there, with bells on, but the truth is, it’s always be you she leans toward.”

Eliot opened his mouth to deny that, to laugh and say that Hardison was completely crazy, even crazier than Parker sometimes seemed, to think that she had some kind of crush on him. The trouble was that the moment he tried to laugh it off, Eliot found he couldn’t do it. Maybe it wasn’t so stupid to think Parker liked him. She was the only one to confront him about his issues with Moreau, to try her best to help, no matter how misguided. When she needed help, something Parker rarely admitted to, but when she did, she often came to Eliot. He thought of their self-defence lessons, his cooking meals that catered to her tastes more than anyone’s but with healthy stuff hidden in there so she would eat better, her always wanting to make sure his wounds were probably tended to after a fight. They had their own privates jokes that nobody else was in on, and no matter how off the chart Parker was sometimes, Eliot trusted she would have his back, as he always promised to have hers. Maybe there was something to it, he just never let himself think on it before.

“So anyway, she likes you, and now it’s like you’re realising you like her to,” said Hardison, though Eliot was only half listening as his mind continued to whir on. “Like I said, I am not dumb. You could have any woman you want, Eliot, and you proved it often enough, but I always knew if you set your sights on Parker, I’d be out of the runnin’. I just want you to know, I’m gonna make it easier on the both of you,” he said, looking down at his own hands on the table now rather than at his friend. “I don’t want no arguments, no awkwardness. You guys want to be together, I won’t stand in the middle of it, won’t make a big deal, okay?”

Eliot was frowning hard as he stared at Hardison then. This was crazy, absolutely insane. The idea that Eliot and Parker should be together, that Hardison was doing the equivalent of offering to stand aside and let them be, despite the fact he knew he wouldn’t have a say in it anyway. The hitter shook his head.

“This is... Damnit, Hardison, you got it so wrong,” he said definitely. “Me and Parker... That ain't ever gonna happen. She doesn’t want to be with me, I ain't convinced she wants that with anybody,” he explained. “And I’m not what any woman needs, not long term, no way.”

Hardison watched his expression, trying to weigh up if he was lying or not. He didn’t expect Eliot to keep a secret relationship going on, not with Parker or with anyone. Still, Hardison was pretty sure that he was right in what he said about them either being closer or wanting to be. In the end, he just shrugged his shoulders and slid out of the booth.

“I said what I come to say, man,” he told him easily. “The rest is all on you.”

Eliot leaned out of the booth to watch the hacker walk away. Hardison disappeared through the back door of McRorys, presumably back upstairs to the apartment for whatever reason. Nate was over in the corner meeting a new client, Parker and Sophie were down the other end of the bar, just talking. Eliot’s eyes fixed on the little blonde thief and he wondered on what Hardison had said. Sure, he liked Parker. She was an amazing thief, a beautiful woman, and a decent soul for a woman that liked to steal. True enough, she was a little crazy, but some of the best people in life were. Eliot definitely liked her, and she had to like him in some way, like a friend or a brother maybe, at least he always thought so. None of them ever really thought of Parker as being capable of wanting an adult romantic relationship or similar. She could be so child-like sometimes, but Eliot was also certain she could be all woman when she wanted to be.

Eliot looked away the moment Parker’s eyes met his own. This was no good. Even if Parker liked him, even if he had a want to make somethng happen, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Right now, he was not in the right head space to deal, and even if a time came when he were, Eliot meant what he said to Hardison. Eliot would never be what any woman needed long term. Especially not a woman like Parker.

Across the bar, the thief looked from Eliot back to Sophie, realising she hadn’t heard anything her friend said for the past minute or so. Sophie knew she had lost Parker’s interest and didn’t have to so much as glance in the direction of her friend’s line of sight to know what had distracted her. A small smile curved the grifter’s lips then.

“You’re very close, aren’t you?” she asked Parker, who frowned as if confused. “You and Eliot?” Sophie prompted.

She was just a little startled by the burst of near-maniacal laughter that escaped Parker’s throat then. It really was very sudden and quite frightening! However, as Sophie stared wide-eyed at Parker, eventually the laughter subsided, the humour dissipated from her features. Now she looked quite seriously at Sophie, leaning in a little closer to whisper.

“How do you make someone understand that you... care?” she asked.

Sophie smiled. “Well, there are a number of ways,” she explained. “Telling them is all very well, but as the old adage goes, actions speak louder than words.”

“So, you show them how you feel,” said Parker plainly. “Like, sex?”

An unladylike snort-like cough escaped Sophie and she covered her mouth and nose with her hand, trying to regain some composure. She really should have learnt by now not to take a drink when talking to Parker about a tricky subject like feelings and emotions.

“Not sex?” Parker guessed.

“Well, certainly being close with someone can involve sex, and that is one way that people express feelings of caring, passion, and love for each other,” said Sophie carefully. “But when you really care for someone, that means being there for them, when they ask but also when they don’t. If they need somebody, they should be in no doubt that you want to be that person. Physical attraction is easily conveyed with physical activity,” she went on, clarifying when she realised she was losing Parker. “By that I do mean sex, but if it’s more than just looks you’re attracted to, if you really feel something deep and meaningful for someone, then you... you put their needs ahead of yours. You do whatever you have to in order to prove that they matter to you. Sometimes, men don’t even know what they want, even less so what they need,” she said with a sigh, eyes drifting to Nate a moment. “Sometimes a woman has to tell them, show them. It’s in their best interest, whether they see it or not. In any case...”

When Sophie tunred back around, Parker was gone. The grifter only hoped she had been of some help to her, and in turn, to Eliot.

* * *

It was late when Eliot got home from McRorys. There had been little to do with regards to work. The previous job was a waiting game right now, and the new one was still in the planning stages. Eliot had himself a few drinks and just tried to be amongst people for as long as he could stand to. The alcohol, coupled with the late hour he had deliberately stayed out 'til ought to help him get a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, Eiot didn't really believe that was possible right now. Every night was haunted with ghosts from the past. Seeing Moreau again had stirred up such a mental and emotional hornets’ nest inside of Eliot, and for all that he thought he could cope with it before, it seemed doubly hard now. Maybe it was because he was able to escape before. Running away physically had helped him escape mentally, but now there was the team to think of, a job to do, people who cared about him. If Hardison was to be believed, nobody cared more than...

“Parker,” Eliot spoke her name aloud as he walked into his bedroom and noticed a figure in his bed.

Flipping on the light proved he was right, not that Eliot needed confirmation. For one thing, she had a habit for this kind of idiocy. Besides, he knew her form, the feel of her presence. It was pretty distinctive.

“I care, Eliot,” said Parker, sitting up in the bed, showing she was wearing some clothes at least, which Eliot was glad of in this moment. “I’m here for you, whether you like it or not.”

With a sigh, he shook his head, and yet a smile curved his lips.

“You really are twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag,” he said, rubbing his tired eyes. “Look, Parker, I appreciate what you’re tryin’ to do-”

“You haven’t heard the plan yet,” she cut in, without a care.

Eliot looked curiously at her. Parker only smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

“You wanna be my what now?” asked Eliot, frowning hard.

He was sat on the end of his bed with Parker beside him, a position he never had expected to find himself in, not even when there started to be talk of the two of them being closer than friends. Not that there was anything sexual being discussed or even thought of here. If he had found Parker naked in his bed, then this whole situation would have been very different, but Eliot was relieved that she was clothed and not even trying to put the moves on him. Right now that would be a little more than he could handle.

“I’m going to be your Bunny,” Parker repeated what she had already told him, as if it were a perfectly reasonable suggestion - Eliot didn’t agree with that assumption.

“Parker, you can’t just-”

“Yes, I can,” she insisted, never afraid to interrupt Eliot as so many others might have been. “You need somebody to be there for you. I know you don’t want to admit that you do. I’m the same way, that’s how I know,” she insisted. “But you do need someone, to let you know it’s going to be okay.”

She was smiling at him in a way Eliot was supposed to find comforting, but he could see Parker was struggling. She meant what she said, he was in no doubt about that, she just wasn’t altogether sure that she was getting it right. Parker was a good soul. For a person that stole for a living, she was pretty damn pure. Eliot thoroughly believed that if she ever hurt anybody in her life it was accidental, or because there was no other way. She wasn’t like him, and Eliot thanked God for it. The things he had seen, and worse, the things he had done, they weren’t the kinds of stories he wanted Parker to hear, never mind be a part of. Having her throw herself into the middle of his problems, Eliot understood how she was trying desperately to help, but honestly, he didn’t believe for a second that she could do it.

“There’s no way to help somebody like me, Parker,” he told her sadly, looking down at the carpet. “You can’t change the past, anymore than I can. Nobody has that kind of power. For as long as what’s in my head is true, I got to live with it. What I’ve seen, what I’ve done. You can’t fix it, darlin’, and you can’t help me.”

Parker felt so frustrated. She wanted to be here for Eliot. She wanted to help him so much that it hurt, and here he was telling her such a thing was impossible. Nobody told Parker she couldn’t do a thing, and if they tried then she always just turned around and proved them wrong. Today was not going to be any different, that much she was sure of.

“Talk to me,” she urged him, her hand landing on his arm.

Uncertainty showed in her eyes as Eliot looked up and met Parker’s gaze. There was a moment when he almost wanted to. Unloading some of his burden might help, and that was what she seemed determined to do. At the same time, he knew he couldn’t do it. Eliot didn’t want Parker to know the worst of what he had been through, the very worst things he had done. She would never look at him the same way, she couldn’t possibly, and yet...

“Why do you care, Parker?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, after what happened the other night-”

“That was an accident,” she insisted. “When you’re awake, when you’re Eliot, you would never do that.”

“When I’m awake, of course not, but even when I sleep, I’m still me, Parker,” he reminded her. “That animal that attacked you, that’s a part of me,” he insisted, hand on his chest. “It’s inside o' me, a part that I can’t ever... It won’t go away. It can’t.”

“And that scares you,” she said, staring into his eyes, a statement not a question because she was just that sure of what she was saying somehow. “I used to think nothing did, nothing could, but it does. The only thing that scares Eliot Spencer is Eliot Spencer.”

He looked away unable to bear the way she was looking at him, and perhaps more than that, the truth of her words. It was true. The only thing that genuinely terrified Eliot was what he himself was capable of. Almost hurting Parker was the worst thing he had done in years, and ranked high in the top ten worst things he had ever done. She was so special, so precious. What Hardison said about the two of them being close, it was truer than Eliot ever wanted to admit. In other circumstances, another place, another time, things could be different with them. He and Parker could have been more than friends, but here and now, it couldn’t happen, he couldn’t let it.

“Eliot, if you want to talk to me, I’ll listen,” said Parker then. “And if you don’t, that’s okay too, but I’m going to be here, because you do need someone.”

Eliot shook his head.

“You just said you understood, that the only thing that scares me is what I’m capable of,” he said, looking up at her one more time. “If I’m afraid of what I might do, why aren’t you?”

“Because I’m crazy,” she said, rolling her eyes at her own joke, repeating what so many other people, Eliot included, had said about her in the past. “Or maybe just because... I don’t know, I’ve always felt safe with you. I can’t explain it because it makes no sense at all, but I’m safe, so long as you’re with me, maybe that means that with me here, you'll be safe too?”

Eliot opened his mouth to say there was something wrong with her, but closed it again without a word spoken. They just established that she was bored of people thinking she was crazy. The truth was that she really wasn’t so nutty. If she were, she wouldn’t be here, or perhaps her presence in this room right now proved without question that she was certifiably insane. Eliot was losing track and his head started to pound with the pressure of trying. He pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the headache and tried to think of the right words to say.

“You think you’re safe with me, and when we’re out on a job, then you are,” he promised Parker without looking at her. “But here? Right now?” he said, shaking his head.

“What’s the difference?” asked Parker frustrated, an emotion that was fast rubbing off on Eliot.

“The difference is me!” he told her too loudly for how close she was sitting. “Parker-”

“I know, you don’t want to hurt me,” she said for him. “Then don’t,” she said, making him meet her eyes. “You don’t have to tell me what happened with Moreau if you don’t want to. I know whatever it was, that’s what upsets you, haunts you in the night, makes you afraid of yourself, but I’m not scared, Eliot,” she told him definitely. “You can tell me, or you can keep it a secret, I don’t care. Nothing’s going to stop me from being here for you... like you’re always there for me.”

There was nothing he could say to that, Eliot knew, but the compulsion to kiss Parker came as a surprise. Maybe it was completely the wrong thing to do and she would probably kick him in the head and run out of the door like a startled animal if he did it, but Eliot lost control just for a second and let it happen. His lips were on hers for all of a few seconds, and Parker didn’t actually seem to mind. The woman who stabbed first and thought later if somebody so much as touched her hand just didn’t flinch at all when Eliot kissed her. When he pulled back he saw her eyes had closed on contact, and were now opening slowly, staring at him with confusion but a distinct lack of panic or horror. When Eliot thought about it, she really never had reacted badly when it was him touching her.

“You’re one in a million, Parker,” he told her, fingers moving her hair back off her face and just barely grazing her cheek. “You’re also a whole lot smarter than some folks give you credit for. Smarter than I ever gave you credit for, and I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she urged him, voice softer than before. “Be Eliot. Don’t be afraid.”

Eliot shook his head and looked away.

“Scariest thing I ever saw was what I became when I worked for Moreau.”

Parker’s hand, shaking as it was, went to the side of his face and made him look at her again. She had no idea what she was doing any more than he did, but maybe that was what made it okay.

“You’re not the same now,” she insisted. “You don’t think it ever scared me, what I was capable of? You don’t know everything about me, Eliot. Nobody does.”

“I’m not asking.”

“Neither am I, unless you want to tell me.”

Eliot didn’t answer for a long moment, just watched her eyes watching him.

“Anything you want to tell me?” he eventually asked.

Parker looked uncertain, even as she shook her head ‘no’. Her mouth opened, lips working with words unspoken. She was struggling with something, and then before Eliot hardly knew what was happening she moved in a a little closer and tentatively kissed his lips. He made himself be still, to let her control what she was doing. In a moment, it was over and Parker was staring at him like she wasn’t sure what she just did.

“What was that for?” asked Eliot, wondering if even Parker knew.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Can’t it just be because I wanted to?”

“Yeah, I guess it can.” Eliot sighed. “But, about you sleeping here tonight...”

“Non-negotiable,” said Parker definitely, eyes hardening a moment. “I can take care of myself, Eliot, and I’m not afraid.”

“I still say you should be”

“And they call me the crazy one,” said Parker too seriously before a smirk broke through.

That smile of hers was damn infectious and even Eliot cracked under the brightness of it. When Parker moved in to hug him, he let her. She really was crazy, she had to be to want to be within five feet of him right now, but he had to respect that she knew her own mind, that she cared, and that she meant what she said about not being scared. Eliot only wished it were that simple.

* * *

Parker couldn’t sleep. She meant what she said about not being afraid of Eliot, but she would be a fool if she wasn’t at least a little wary of his flailing limbs if he got caught up inside a nightmare. For the first couple of hours he slept soundly, and she found herself dropping in and out of consciousness beside him, then it started. Eliot was talking in his sleep, not words that Parker could make out, but in his head she had no doubt there was a conversation going on, and one that was none too friendly either.

After half an hour of muttering and shifting around in place, the flailing started. Eliot kicked out at the opposite side of the bed, and then his arm flung out wildly. Parker ducked and covered, rolled off the bed with ease and landed easily on her feet.

“Eliot,” she said carefully. “Eliot, if you can hear me, then you have to listen,” she said a little louder, keeping her distance out of good sense rather than fear. “It’s Parker. You’re here with me, and it’s just a nightmare. You’re safe with me.”

Eliot was still but not really awake yet. Parker moved forward, tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned in close enough to speak softly into Eliot’s ear.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. You didn’t hurt anybody and nobody is going to hurt you,” she promised, her hand hovering over his upper arm a moment before she dared to touch him at all. “Eliot, it’s Parker.”

“Parker?” he muttered.

“I’m here,” she promised. “Just wake up, it’s okay.”

Eliot’s eyes popped open in the half-light and he stared at her, expression a little wild still, but he was awake, Parker was sure. She smiled warily, fingers moving over the muscles at the top of his arm, just waiting for him to be Eliot again. Eventually he let out a long breath and then sat himself against the headboard. Parker moved to sit comfortably beside him, her legs crossed lotus style. Eliot ran both hands back over his face and through his hair, trying to breathe. Parker wasn’t sure if he was trying to remember what happened in his nightmare, or if he was trying to forget. She said nothing, just as Sophie told her. The important thing was just to be there.

“For the longest time, I blamed Moreau,” said Eliot at last, though Parker remained silent still. “He made me do what I did, so it was all his fault, 'cept... it wasn’t. Man makes his own choices, and I could've got out. If I really wanted to, I could’ve.”

The tears came then, leaking silently from his eyes. Parker couldn’t have talked then if she wanted to. It broke her heart to see Eliot so upset. She just moved a little closer, carefully put an arm around his back. When he leaned into her, Parker couldn’t help but smile through her own sadness. It was awful to know Eliot was so broken up, but she liked knowing that she was helping, that he needed someone, and she was that person who could help. It was all she ever wanted.

They ended up lying down under the covers again, arms wrapped around each other in silence for a long time. When Eliot had eventually spoken, Parker could hear the emotion in his throat and feel his breath against her neck. he told her some of the worst of what he had been through under Moreau's influence and management. Tears accompanied some of the confession and anger tinged many of the painful words. Parker didn't say a word until he needed her to.

“Still want to be here?” he asked too softly in the darkness that now filled the room.

“More than ever,” she promised.

Parker felt Eliot press a kiss to her cheek, and then let her eyes fall closed. Now she could sleep, and Eliot would to. Maybe there would be another nightmare tonight, or another night, but they would deal. She probably wouldn’t be able to stop him from lashing out every time, but that was okay. Eliot had a lot to work through, Parker understood that now more than ever. It was going to be a long road, but at least they were walking it together. That was what really mattered.


End file.
